I will always love you
by myagrace
Summary: Bella, fighting an illness, and Edward try to stay strong for each other, their daughter Carlie, and their family as things start going downhill for her. Loss is heartbreaking and trying to keep it together as a parent is a huge test. Tissues throughout! ExB Rated M just for the situation and a little bit of language.
1. Chapter 1

Hey y'all! Long time, no see! I know it's been forever since I've posted anything. But things with my mom being sick and her passing away was really rough. But, this story is something that I had to write. Kind of in honor of her and the fight with MS and cancer she fought.

This may not be exactly like the stories I've done before, but it's just how it all unfolded in my head. A lot of this story is very personal to me, some of the things in this story did happen with my own mother's fight and passing. This was something I had to get off my chest and do something with it.

I'm posting it all in the same day, because originally, I wanted it to be just a couple of longer chapters, but with the songs I wanted to have with the story, it turned into several shorter chapters.

This story is about love, and loss. So, I'd keep a tissue handy in some parts.

So, here we go again! Same rules apply, I don't own Twilight.

**"I Will Always Love You" -Dolly Parton**

If I should stay  
I would only be in your way  
So I'll go, but I know  
I'll think of you each step of the way  
And I will always love you  
I will always love you  
Bitter-sweet memories  
That's all I am taking with me  
Good-bye, please don't cry  
We both know that I'm not  
What you need  
I will always love you  
I will always love you

I hope life, treats you kind  
And I hope that you have all  
That you ever dreamed of  
And I wish you joy  
And happiness  
But above all of this  
I wish you love  
And I will always love you  
I will always love you  
I will always love you

EPOV

I sit here in my home office and fist my hair in my hands in sadness. I know it's coming. I know it is, but… we haven't been able to have our dream of a long, happy life together.

Bella's been sick for a while now. She had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis about 10 years ago. It's a disease of the nervous system and the brain and spinal cord essentially get worn away and it's a very aggressive version of MS. It started out with her temporarily losing sight in her left eye, and severe balance problems, they caught on that something was wrong then. She'd had treatments at the time and her vision came back, but it's not quite as sharp as it was. It's been rapidly wearing down her body; she's fatigued all the time, she has trouble with her speech, she's become more shaky with her limbs. She's also become less mobile due to the lack of 'transmitters' getting through to her arms and legs that tell them to move. MS affects the flow of the signals from your brain to other parts of your body. Think of it like when you're in traffic and an accident happens in front of you; you're stuck and have to try to find a way around it.

But it's an ugly disease, and does a toll on the body. Especially this form of MS that she has.

She also found out two years ago that she had pancreatic cancer…stage four. That was one of the worst days of our lives. It's just doubly torn down her body. Everything in her is just slowing down and there's no way to stop it or even slow it down. The doctors told her they could try treating it, but at this stage, it wouldn't be useful.

She tried anyways. She's my tough girl and she wanted to fight.

She has her good days and bad days, but the bad usually outweigh the good. They're becoming more and more frequent and I hate that our 12 year old daughter, Carlie, has to see her like this.

"Edward…" Bella's strained voice reaches me from our bedroom.

I walk in to see her sitting in her favorite chair by the balcony doors, watching Carlie running around outside, and listening to music from her phone. Right now, it seems like she's in a classic country mood today, because Dolly Parton is coming through the speakers.

Her weary eyes meet mine and I see how tired and worn down she is. Not like the vibrant and joyous girl I grew up knowing.

"What is it, baby?" I ask gently as I sit on the edge of our bed beside her chair.

"Edward… I need… to go for… a ride…" she says slowly so that she doesn't get stuck. It's the only way she's been able to talk for the last couple years.

I look at her skeptically, knowing the last time we took our usual Sunday rides she barely made it halfway through and then asked to turn around to go back home. But lately, we haven't been going on our rides since she's been getting worse. Her treatments and medicines cause her some issues when it comes to being in a car for any length of time.

Our Sunday rides are something we've always done. We live in Charleston, SC, and driving down the coastline and watching the waves roll in and the sun glittering off the water has always been a pastime for us. We'd drive and be gone for hours on end just so we could see nature's wonder of the beach.

I can't stand to see the defeat in her. She's 36 years old, for god's sake. She should be traveling the world, making the cakes she's so skilled at doing, having fun with our daughter. Not withering away in this chair.

"Bell, I don't know if that's such a good idea. Baby, remember the last time we tried to go and you couldn't take it anymore? I don't-"I try to tell her but she interrupts me.

"Edward….please… I _need_ to do this… please…" I see something in her eyes that sends a sinking feeling into my stomach.

She knows she doesn't have too much longer. And I know I can't deny her one of the last things she'll ever be able to experience freely. I've never been able to deny her anything.

"…ok baby. Let me get Rose to come watch Carlie and we'll go. You know I'd do anything for you, sweetheart." I tell her as I stand up and kiss the top of her head.

"I love you…" She whispers, but I can still hear it.

"Always." I whisper back, and head out of the room to call Bella's best friend.

"_Hello?"_ Rose answers on the third ring.

"Hey Ro… I've got a favor to ask… Do you think you could watch Carlie for a couple of hours…" I trail off because my throat is starting to constrict.

She doesn't answer right away so I know she's catching on to what's going on.

"_Edward… is she…"_ Her voice is tight and wary.

"I don't know, Rosie. But I think she does. She just had this pleading look on her face and I think she's-" I can't even find it in me to finish the sentence. I don't want to think about it.

She sniffles on the other end of the line._ "I'll be there in fifteen minutes."_ She says then hangs up, and I know it's because she's about to break down crying.

Rosalie Lillian Hale McCarty is tough as nails and a hardass, but when it comes to Bella or Alice, especially with Bella's condition, she is all heart.

Rose, Alice and Bella have been friends since grade school. And it just so happened that Alice and I are twins, and Rose and her brother, Jasper, are twins also. Yeah, our mothers were inseparable once they found out they were both having twins at a doctor's appointment.

Alice and I don't really look alike at all. The only trait we really share with each other is that we've both got green eyes. Nobody would guess we were twins. But Rose and Jasper, they look exactly alike. Blonde hair, deep blue eyes, all the same facial features.

The four of us were best friends from birth, and Bella and Emmett grew up next door to each other, so they were pretty much like brother and sister to each other since they were both only children in their families. They joined our group once we started grade school.

Jasper and Alice started dating early in high school, and have stuck together ever since. They got married right after we graduated, even though people told them to wait to make sure it was right. They didn't care; they knew they'd always be together.

Rose and Em… well, let's just say they enjoyed their physical relationship from the time they were sixteen, too much to care about getting married. They did finally tie the knot after ten years. A piece of paper never really made a difference to them.

The doorbell ringing pulls me back to now.

I make my way downstairs to see Rose walking in the front door.

"Hey Ro."

She makes her way over to me and gives me a very un-Rosalie-like hug. I know she's an emotional wreck if she's giving _me_ a hug. It's not that she doesn't like me, but like I said, she's a hardass. She never wears her emotions on her sleeves.

"Where is she?" She whispers as she pulls back from me.

"Same place…" I nod my head towards the stairs and she makes her way up to where Bella is.

I walk over to the back door and yell for Carlie.

"Carlie! Come inside for a minute!"

She comes running up the stairs, her gorgeous brown curls bouncing down her back. She's the spitting image of her mother. Long, dark hair, deep brown eyes, button nose, sweet smile. Everyone says she has my cheekbones, but all I see when I look at her, is pure Bella.

Carlie runs inside and hugs me around the middle.

"Hi dad!" She smiles brightly up at me.

"Hey baby girl. Can we talk for a minute?" I ask her, and at her nod, I bring her to sit at the kitchen table. "Aunt Rosie's gonna stay here with you for a little bit while me and mommy are gone. Can you listen and behave for her?"

She nods but has a worried look on her face.

"Is mama ok? Does she have to go to the doctor again?" She really does notice everything when it comes to her mother and her illness.

"No, sweetie, she's not going to the doctor today. She just… needs to get out of the house for a little bit. So, I'm gonna take her for a little ride. Ok?"

I don't know if she's fully convinced that it's _just_ so her mother can get out of the house, but she seems to accept it.

At least I hope she does, since she doesn't question it further.

I kiss her on the head once more and scoot her back outside so she can continue playing.

As I walk up the stairs to our bedroom, I hear quiet voices and I stop right outside the door and peek around to see Rose and Bella sharing the big, full chair Bella usually sits in.

Rose has her head on Bella's shoulder while Bella runs her hands through Rose's long, blonde hair.

"You've always been… the best sister… to me, Ro. You and Alice, both… I don't know what… I would have done… without you two… all my life. Neither of you ever… pushed me to be something I'm not… or made me feel… less than I am. Especially when… I got sick. I could've never asked… for better friends or sisters…" Bella whispered to Rose as she still looked out the window.

"…Bell, please…" Rose chokes out, and I can sense she's about to cry again. I saw the tears stains on her cheeks when she came in a while ago.

"Shhh…" Bella soothes. "I don't want… you guys to be sad… forever when I'm gone. I know it'll hurt… but I will never… ever leave any of you... I'll always be here... I'll be where… all our favorite… memories are. Running through the creek… from the boys when we were little… playing chicken in the ocean… getting ready for prom…" Bella trails off and I'm transported back to when we were seventeen and I started actually seeing Bella in a new light…

Bella and I were a little skittish around each other at first. We were always kind of reserved, as it was, and even more so when we hit puberty. Yeah, she was awkward for a while, but she just got more and more beautiful as she grew up. I was just blinded by the fact that I never wanted our friendship to be different than it had been. Then seeing her the night we all went to junior prom as a group was a smack in the face that I needed to do something to get her to see me as someone more than a friend.

But by the time we were twenty, you would have never thought we were ever anything but the perfect couple our entire lives.

As I look in our bedroom, seeing her with her best friend… I see strength in her weakness.

She's being the strong, solid rock for her friend while she falls apart in Bella's arms because she's come to accept what's coming.

Bella's always been the nurturer, the mother figure of our group. Which is why no one was surprised when we were the first ones to have a child. And is evident in the way she's soothing Rosalie right now.

"Rosie, I need to ask you a favor…" Rose is already nodding her head before Bella can finish. "Can you and Ali keep an… eye on Edward and Carlie? I don't want them to be… completely alone and… closed off when I'm gone."

Rose looks up at her like she's crazy. "Bella, you don't even have to ask us that. Of course we'll keep an eye on them. We're all a family. We'd never let them feel alone or turn into ghosts. You know we're always each other's support system. Y'all have always been there for us when there was fail after fail of us getting pregnant. Years of fertility specialists, endless doctor visits… And you know we kind of gave up… Until…" Rose looks down with a sheepish smile.

"Oh Rose…. Really?!" Bella asked, her face lighting up.

"Yeah. We found out about a month ago, but we didn't want to tell anyone quite yet, because we were afraid of… But things are looking good so far. And Em and I have been talking about it and, if it's a girl, we wanted to name her after you…" Rose told her, her eyes filled with tears and so much sisterly love for my wife.

The two of them, along with my sister, Alice, have been through so much together. You'd think they were all actually blood related with how close they are with each other, but we've always said, family isn't determined by blood, but love.

"Ro… I'd be completely honored… I can't even begin… to tell you… how excited I am… for you two. Gah! With your looks…and Em's dimples…she'd be the most…beautiful baby…in the world." Bella tells her, tears of joy filling her eyes.

I wait a few more moments before I walk over and knock on the door.

"Bell? You ready, baby?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I've had the time of my life- Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes

Now I've had the time of my life

No, I never felt like this before

Yes I swear it's the truth

And I owe it all to you

'Cause I've had the time of my life

And I owe it all to you

I've been waiting for so long

Now I've finally found someone to stand by me

We saw the writing on the wall

And we felt this magical fantasy

Now with passion in our eyes

There's no way we could disguise it secretly

So we take each others hand

'Cause we seem to understand the urgency

Just remember

You're the one thing

I can't get enough of

So I'll tell you something

This could be love

Because I've had the time of my life

No, I never felt this way before

Yes I swear it's the truth

And I owe it all to you

'Cause I've had the time of my life

And I've searched through every open door

Till I found the truth

And I owe it all to you

Hey baby, oh yeah yeah yeah

With my body and soul

I want you more than you'll ever know

So we'll just let it go

Don't be afraid to lose control, no

Yes, I know what's on your mind when you say

"Stay with me tonight" (stay with me)

And remember

You're the one thing

I can't get enough of

So I'll tell you something

This could be love

Because I've had the time of my life

No, I never felt this way before

Yes I swear it's the truth

And I owe it all to you

'Cause I've had the time of my life

And I've searched through every open door

(Never felt this way)

Till I found the truth

And I owe it all to you

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Oh, whoa, oh, oh

Now I've had the time of my life

No, I never felt this way before (never felt this way)

Yes I swear it's the truth

And I owe it all to you

I've had the time of my life

No, I never felt this way before (never felt this way)

Yes I swear it's the truth

And I owe it all to you

'Cause now I've had the time of my life

And I've searched through every open door

Till I found the truth

And I owe it all to you

EPOV

I carried Bella downstairs and out to the truck to get her situated and buckled in for our journey.

I just hope she could handle it this time.

The last time we attempted this, her system just wasn't cooperating and her breathing became labored and she had a panic attack.

But I think she's determined to do it, no matter what, this time.

I see Rose on the front steps watching with a weary look on her face.

I walk up the couple of steps to meet her halfway.

"You know, uncle Edward… I could get used to hearing that…" I said, giving her a smirk.

She shoved my shoulder but smiled down at me.

"Eavesdropping is not an endearing quality, uncle Edward…" She smirked back at me.

"I'm so unbelievably happy for you guys, Rose. I know how hard it's been on y'all, but you just had to keep faith that it'd happen. You're gonna be an amazing mom, Ro." I reached up and hugged her.

"Thank you, for always being by our side. We would've never made it here without all of you." She whispered and pulled back. "Now, go let her see the ocean one more time. She's been itching to go for a while now. Don't worry about Carlie. We'll be fine. I think it's time we get some girl time of our own, and maybe set up mani-pedis for when you and Bella get back."

Once I'm in the truck with Bella, I look over and see she's holding her phone in her hand.

"I thought since we were… going down memory lane with our ride… we might as well…do it to it's fullest." She said, handing me the phone to plug in.

When it's plugged in and ready to go, I set off to our normal route down the coast.

Bella grabs the phone and finds what she's looking for.

As soon as the first strains of 'I've had the time of my life' come through the speakers, I smile, thinking about that first Halloween party after we finally became an official couple.

_Flashback _

Being eighteen, you don't always like to dress up for Halloween. Well… that also depends on who your damn sister is.

Alice has tortured me with dressing up since we were little and she found out that she 'had a fashion sense'. So I was always at her mercy.

But this time… I didn't mind it so much. Mostly because it was a simple enough costume.

It's based on Bella's all time favorite movie; Dirty Dancing. I was Johnny and she was Baby.

And I can't complain, because it's not a horrible movie. I've sat down and watched it with Bella and the girls several times, while Em and Jasper both bitched about it.

We're at a Halloween party at Jasper and Rose's house. For the past few years, they've been throwing the Halloween party because their parents have a huge piece of property for people to spread out. Rose and Jasper's dad owns horses, running a therapeutic riding program, so their land is expansive.

We spend the whole time dancing, kissing, and just talking.

I know I'm in love with her. I've known for a little while now. I'm just trying to find the right way to tell her.

Bella and I are sitting out by the barn watching the horses and listening to the music that's coming from the house.

It's so peaceful watching these beautiful creatures in front of us. They're just majestic and free, with no cares.

"Hey Edward?" Bella says, and I turn to look at her. "Do you… Do you ever think of us in the future? Like, where we'll be?"

I stand there just looking at her, and I don't even have to think hard about it. And I know it's the right time to tell her I love her.

"Bell, of course I do. And when I see it, it's the best thing in the world. Seeing you in a beautiful white gown walking towards me, having two kids, growing old with you, watching our grandkids grow up, yelling at each other because we can't hear what the other one's saying cuz we don't have our hearing aids … telling you every day for the rest of my life how much I love you…" I tell her, looking her dead in the eyes.

She's gaping at me, but then smiles this amazingly brilliant smile and wraps her arms around me, kissing me senseless.

When she pulls back from the kiss, she says, breathlessly, "God, Edward, I love you so much. I see all of that with you, too. I want all of it."

She kisses me again, her tongue twisting with mine like she can't get enough of me.

After several minutes of making out, I hear Bella's favorite song from 'Dirty Dancing' come over the speakers.

"Well, I do believe they're playing your song, my love." I pull back and extend my hand to her. "May I have this dance, Baby?"

She giggles, takes my hand and we start dancing, and having the best time of our life.

_End flashback_

"I was totally channeling my inner Patrick Swayze that night." I tell her, winking in her direction as we drive down the road where we'll hit the coastline.

She laughs and nods. "Yeah, you had…the best moves, Johnny."

I give her a faux shocked look and joke, "What'd you mean 'had'? I still got 'em!"

She laughs again, and pats my shoulder. "Keep telling yourself that."

"Hey, you're the one that made me get up and dance with you every time we watched that damn movie. I killed those dance moves." And she did. Every single time. But I never could deny her anything.

"I love you so much, Edward."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Unchained melody- Righteous Brothers

Oh, my love, my darling

I've hungered for your touch

A long lonely time

As time goes by so slowly

That time can do so much

Are you still mine?

I need your love

I need your love

God speed your love to me

Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea

To the open arms of the sea, yeah

Lonely rivers sigh, "Wait for me, wait for me"

I'll be coming home wait for me

Oh, my love, my darling

I've hungered, hungered for your touch

A long lonely time

And i know the time goes by so slowly

That time can do so much

Are you still mine?

I need your love

I need your love

God speed your love to me

BPOV

Watching the ocean rolling in and out as we drive is so serene. One of the reasons why none of us could ever move from the Charleston area. The beach was always our favorite. And the rich history of our town just gives you this feeling that whenever you're walking around this great city, you're almost transported back to a time where history was made.

Being born and raised in a city like this, you learn to really appreciate that history. Edward and I would always go for walks along the Battery, taking in the historic houses there and Rainbow Row. Even visiting the various churches and seeing the graves from centuries ago feels like you're standing on hallowed ground. Which, you were. All over Charleston, is somewhere that history has touched.

I needed this ride with Edward, and this trip down memory lane to remember our own history. I'm not sure when, but I can feel my end is near. It's something I've noticed little by little the past few weeks. Maybe even before then.

I can feel myself slowly deteriorating everyday. I wanted to do this before I knew there was no chance that I'd be able to again. Every Sunday, my heart would hurt even more than it already does because this was mine and Edward's favorite tradition. Then one Sunday, a while after my cancer diagnosis, it was a hot summer day and, being in the south, it was humid as hell out. My heart was working overtime, and things were just not right. I couldn't breathe and things felt like they were falling apart around me.

Edward basically refused to take our rides after that because he didn't want to put unnecessary strain on me. I didn't argue because I didn't want to feel that panic again, but it tore both of us up when Sundays would come around and we would try to find something else to do.

Watching the waves and hearing the next song, 'Unchained Melody' by the Righteous Brothers, come over the speakers, takes me back to our wedding day.

_Flashback_

I can't believe I'm really getting married.

It's surreal to me that he's really mine for the rest of our lives. I mean, we've always been together as best friends, but when he proposed the day before my 21st birthday, it all became more concrete.

We didn't want to have too long of an engagement, so we decided on an April wedding on the beach in Charleston, the following year.

So here we are, getting ready at the beach house that Carlisle and Esme, Edward's wonderfully loving parents, own. Then having the wedding just a few feet away from the house.

I've always loved Carlisle and Esme's house, growing up. It's the epitome of the classic Charleston house, with its columns, grand porches, enchanting interior. It just gives you that feeling of warmth and welcome and home.

Alice, Rose, and Esme are helping me get dressed and ready in Esme and Carlisle's bedroom, since it's ginormous.

"Bella, where's your makeup bag, honey? We need to get started." Esme asked as she walked back into the room.

She has been running around like a crazy person all morning trying to get things to be perfect for our wedding.

"Bathroom!" I call from the window where I'm looking out at the water.

Rose and Alice have already had me getting pampered, shaved, plucked, and buffed to within an inch of my life. So, all I really need to do is get my hair finished and makeup done, then put on my dress.

I'm doing everything pretty simple; hair curled down my back, natural makeup with taupe eye shadow, and my dress… my dress is pretty basic, but elegant. It's a halter, chiffon dress that comes down to my knees, and has an mint blue sash under the bust. Nothing flashy, but still appropriate for the occasion.

"Ok, got it. Come on, sweetheart, you gotta get ready for your big day." Esme says, coming out of the bathroom and ushering me into the chair so that she can get to work on my face. After my makeup is done, Rose is gonna do my hair.

I'm kinda lulled into my own mind where I go over my vows again.

We decided to do our own vows for our wedding because we didn't want the cookie cutter vows. We wanted something that was us.

After a while, I feel my shoulder being shook, and look up at the mirror in front of me.

It's just how I wanted everything; simple and natural.

Alice is already in her dress, as is Esme, since Rose was the one to finish up with my hair. So it's just me and her to put on our dresses, then get downstairs.

"Bella, baby, I wanted to give you this as your something old." Esme tells me, holding up a strand of pearls that I recognize. "These were given to me by my mother when I married Carlisle. I want you to have them for your wedding day. And hopefully, you'll pass them onto your daughter one day, too."

"Thank you, Esme." I whisper to her as she comes to put them on me.

Once she has them in place, I look in the mirror again. "They're perfect." I smile and hug her to me.

"Sweetheart, I know how perfect you two are together. I've seen it since y'all were little. Way before either of you saw it yourselves. You two are going to be so happy together. And I want lots of grandbabies, too." She says, kissing the side of my head before she pulls back.

I'm beet red at her last comment, but, come on, it's not like we haven't already had sex.

"Thank you so much for giving me the best part of my life." I whisper, and kiss her cheek.

"Ok, so we've got the 'something old' taken care of, and your dress is new, and has something blue. Soooo," Alice says, holding out a beautifully intricate hair clip that matches the color of the aqua sash on my dress, and I know it's one of her favorite accessories. "I thought this would be perfect to go with your dress."

"Oh, Alice, this is your favorite. You should be wearing it today, not me." I tell her, but agree that yeah, it'd be totally perfect for my dress.

"Oh hush. That's why it's 'something borrowed'." She laughs, then turns me to the mirror to place the clip in. Then holds up a mirror behind me so I can see the full effect. "See? You need this much more than I do today. Besides, everyone's gonna be looking at you, not me. Now let's get that dress on and get you down to the beach, Mrs. Cullen." Her smile is so wide that I can't help but match it, myself.

Putting my dress on and seeing the whole picture, I want to cry. I'm really getting married.

I never thought about getting married and having a family all that much when I was a kid. I was always this reserved little girl. I always stuck to Alice, Rose, Edward, Jasper and Emmett. That was my group. I had a few other friends here and there, but it was always just us six that stuck together.

I guess I was always a little on the shy side growing up, but when my mom left us when I was eight, it made me feel like I did something wrong.

But daddy always told me that she started feeling like she wasn't cut out to be a mother anymore. That she had been excited and happy in the beginning, to be married to my dad and to have a daughter. But around the time I was seven, she started acting differently. She was a little more distant. She still cared for me, but as time went on, she just started becoming this different person that I didn't know anymore.

So she left and did her own thing. She called to check up on me for the first year, but I never heard from her again after I turned ten.

And in all honesty, I'm fine with it now. My dad has always been an amazing father to me. He never made me feel like a burden or that he couldn't handle things after my mom was gone.

I never even tried to find my mom to send her an invitation to the wedding. She made her choice, she can live with it.

"Knock, knock." I hear from the door, and Esme walks over to open the door for my dad, already dressed and ready in his black slacks and white button up. We didn't want it to be too dressy for the ceremony. So all the men were wearing the same black slacks and white button up.

He just stands there and looks at me and I see his eyes getting misty.

"Hi daddy." I say, as he finally walks into the room.

"Baby Bell… You look… beautiful, baby girl. You're all grown up…" He says as he comes over to hug me.

"Thanks, daddy." I whispered into his shoulder, trying not to cry.

As he pulled back, He said, "You ready to do this, kiddo?"

I looked up into his eyes, not even wavering, "Absolutely."

Esme came over and gave me one last kiss on my cheek, then led the rest of our group out to the back doors where we would walk out to the beach from.

I couldn't see the arbor that was set up on the beach for the ceremony from the doors, but that gave me a couple of moments to make sure I had everything together in my head.

As I watched Esme, Alice and Rose descend the stairs, my excitement grew. I was so ready to be married to the love of my life.

Making my own way out and down the stairs on my dad's arm, I finally saw the small gathering of our family and friends. And as I got closer, I could see the bright, smiling face of my soon-to-be-husband.

God he looked stunning in his slacks and shirt.

I'm so glad we nixed the tuxes for this.

Not that he doesn't look hot in one, but I've always loved the laidback look on him.

The ceremony was pretty basic, and it kinda all blurred, but his vows were so touching.

"Bella… I could've never, in my wildest dreams, found a more amazing person to spend my life with. We've always been perfectly suited for each other, whether we knew it at the time or not. And I promise to spend the rest of my life loving, caring, worshiping, and protecting you. I promise to always be by your side, through anything that life throws our way and always fight in your corner. I will love you til my dying day. And even after. You are the very best part of my life, and I'll never let you go." he vowed.

I knew I had tears streaming down my face, and I had to stop myself from launching myself at him and kissing the life out of him.

I was such a lucky bitch.

I wiped at my eyes, and tried to regain my focus on my own vows.

"Wow… now how do I follow that up?" I laughed, getting a little teary. "Edward, no one really finds the love of their life at the age of six, but I think you and I prove that wrong. People say if you can find your very best friend in life, and you can stay that way through anything, then you should marry them. I don't think I could see going through life's adventures with anyone else by my side. You are my best friend, and the love of my life, and I'm so proud to become the one who gets to share everyday with. I vow to never go to bed angry, to always love you through thick and thin, to be there and support you in everything you do, and always take care of you. Every single day of forever, I'll love you and cherish you." I barely got out.

I could see the tears brimming his own eyes as the minister finally pronounced us husband and wife.

Edward grabbed me by the waist with one hand and snaked the other into my hair, and dipped me back, kissing me for all he was worth… that was still appropriate, of course.

"I love you so much, Mrs. Cullen." He said against my lips, kissing me again.

"And I love you, Mr. Cullen." I said as we turned to greet our friends and family as a married couple.

We had a small reception on the deck of Carlisle and Esme's house, that included a beautiful white and black and aqua blue cake.

Hearing 'Unchained Melody' come over the speakers, I seek out Edward's eyes across the deck, and start moving towards him for our first dance.

He starts moving to me and takes my hand, pulling me into his arms and starts spinning and swaying with me as he lowly croons along with the song.

"How does it feel, Mrs. Cullen?" he asks as my head is nestled under his shin.

"Absolutely wonderful. We could've done what Em and Rose did, but I wanted it to be permanent. For us to be a permanent team. And I never wanted to be a statistic, you know? It's us til the end." I smile up at him.

"I couldn't have said it better, my love. It'll always be us." He says, kissing my forehead.

"Always."

_End flashback. _

"Best decision I ever made in my life was marrying you." He whispers, clasping my hand in his, then placing a loving kiss on the top of it.

I sigh, loving how wonderful and supportive he's been since that day. He always has been, but he takes his vows incredibly seriously, unlike some men in the world.

He never wanted to be one of those statistics either.

"You're the very…best part of my life, too." Giving that part of his vows right back to him. "You, and Carlie. I don't regret…any of our life together... Absolutely nothing… The only thing I'd change…is me getting sick." I tell him, looking back out the window at the waves that came back into view.

"Me too, baby. Me too."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Baby mine- Dumbo-

Baby mine don't you cry

Baby mine dry your eyes

Rest your head close to my heart

Never to part, Baby of mine

Little one when you play

Don't you mind what they say

Let those eyes sparkle and shine

Never a tear, Baby of mine

From your head to your toes

You're so sweet goodness knows

You are so precious to me

Cute as can be, Baby of mine

Baby mine, baby mine

BPOV

We're driving close by the market in downtown Charleston and… I think I'm doing ok. I'm a little on edge, a little nervous. But I'm in control, so far.

"I'm gonna pull over and get us a bite to eat. You want anything special?" Edward asks as he pulls into the tourist area where there's always amazing food.

I spot 'Fleet Landing', a little restaurant that literally sits on top of the water, that I've loved coming to since I was a girl.

"Hmmm… fried green tomato sandwich… You know that's… my favorite… I'll steal a fry or… two off of yours." I smile over at him and he leans over, kissing me, then scoots out of the truck.

I sit in the truck while he's gone and continue to listen to the music on the phone in my hand and watch the ocean in front of me some more.

The ocean has always been my favorite place to go. And I never get tired of it. It's one of nature's best playgrounds. Anytime we'd go to Esme and Carlisle's, or some of our secret coves, I loved it. It always called to me.

I loved bringing Carlie to the beach, too. She was like a fish in water when she was here. She always dreamed of becoming a mermaid and talking to the fish and sea creatures.

Hearing the next song come through the speakers makes me pause and tears to start pooling in my eyes, remembering when Carlie was a baby and I'd sing 'Baby mine' to her.

_Flashback_

I had thought that when I married Edward, that I'd never be happier than I was that day. I thought the same thing the day we found out we were pregnant, and then when we found out we were having a girl.

And nothing topped the day Carlie came into this world, little peels of screaming coming from her small body.

But sitting here, holding her while rocking her in the rocking chair in her room in the early morning light coming through her open window, smelling the sea air coming in and mixing with her amazing baby smell, and singing her to sleep…

This is heaven to me.

"Baby mine don't you cry

Baby mine dry your eyes

Rest your head close to my heart

Never to part, Baby of mine"

Feeling her snuffle into my chest, I know she's getting hungry again, so I adjust her so that she can nurse, and continue singing to her.

"Little one when you play

Don't you mind what they say

Let those eyes sparkle and shine

Never a tear, Baby of mine

From your head to your toes

You're so sweet goodness knows

You are so precious to me

Cute as can be, Baby of mine

Baby mine, baby mine"

"I love hearing you sing her to sleep." I hear whispered from the doorway, and turn to see Edward standing there.

"I think she loves it, too, because it never fails. Always that song, too." I whisper to him as he moves closer, kissing the top of my head, then Carlie's.

"Yeah, I can't blame her. You've always been able to lull me to sleep when you'd sing to me, too."

Right here, right now, this is my heaven. I couldn't think of a single moment in my life where I felt more complete. Whole.

"Am I still the best part of your life?" I tease him a little, knowing his answer.

"Always, my love. You just get to share that title now." He says, looking down to our sleeping angel.

"I'd never have it any other way."

_End flashback_

Before I know it, I'm gasping for air, my body shuddering from the force of my crying.

I barely hear the driver door open, and Edward jumping in and scooting over to me, taking me in his arms.

"Baby, what is it? Talk to me, Bell."

My body wracks with the sobs coming out of me, and I can't stop.

"Edward… I don't know… how… I'm gonna… be able… to leave her… to leave you… I can't…. I can't…" my sobs and screaming cries stop my words as I fall apart.

"Shhhh, shhh, baby. I know… I know. Shhhh" he tries to sooth me, but I can't seem to stop.

I can't leave them. I can't.

Carlie needs me.

Edward needs me.

And I need them.

My heart is breaking all over again.

I knew it would come. I knew, but…

I should be there for her dance recitals. I should be there for the first time a boy come to take her on her first date. I should be there to help her get ready for her prom. To see her growing up into a beautiful woman. I should be there to help her get ready on her wedding day. To see her give birth to my grandbabies, to see them grow up as they get spoiled by grandma and grandpa.

But I'm not gonna be here.

She should have her mother there for all of these milestones.

I didn't have mine because she chose to leave us.

I may not have a choice in leaving her, but I'm still not gonna be there for her. To support her. To guide her.

I'm gonna be gone.

"Baby, shhhh, you've gotta calm down. You're not gonna be able to breathe." I can hear the tears and sadness in his own voice.

"I… can't… breathe… knowing I won't… be there for her… Edward… please…please take care of her… You've been… so amazing with her… been the best dad… Just please… make sure… she's ok…" I get out between sobs, and I'm snotting all over the place.

"Bella, look at me." He pulls back and holds my face in his hands. "Look at me." When I finally look up, he continues. "I'm not saying it's gonna be easy. Hell, I'm gonna be lost without you here… but baby, I will always take care of her. She'll be ok. I know you've been trying to be the rock in all of this, but it's ok to be scared and worried. But you need to focus on… spending what time you can with her, and loving her."

"I don't… want her to… forget me!" I wail, sobbing again.

"Shhh, sweetheart, it's ok. Baby, listen. She will NEVER forget you. She's gonna have all of your pictures, all of the videos we've done, I'll always tell her stories of you. I'll never let her forget, baby. Never. You're her mother. You've been the best possible mother that anyone could ask for. There's no way she could forget you."

He tilts my face back up to meet his eyes.

"What were you telling Rose, not an hour ago? That you'd never leave us. That you'd always be here, no matter what. Doesn't matter whether it's physically or spiritually. I know you'll always be nearby. You better be, anyways. I'll need your love and guidance to deal with a teenage girl." He half smiles.

It takes me a while to calm myself, but after about five minutes, I can actually see his face clearly.

"You're right." I nod. "I'm just… so scared now. I can feel…everything weakening…"

"I know. I'm scared, too. You've been with me my whole life. I don't know how to not be with you. We've shared… everything together. Everything. But we'll get through it. I promise."

"I'll wait for you… on the other side." I tell him after a minute.

"You better. I don't want to have to kick some guy's ass first thing when I die. You better tell 'em all to back the fuck off." He smiles down at me.

I smile back and kiss his lips. "Well… there's no problem there… I'll always wait for you… No one else… could ever compare."

"Ditto."

"Edward… can we go… over to your parents' house? I want to… go in the water… Will you help me?" I asked after I've calmed down, somewhat.

He looks at me like I've lost my mind. Maybe I have. But, I can't stop thinking that it's gonna be sooner rather than later that my body finally gives out.

"Bell, I don't know if you should push yourself this much today. I think you might have already worn yourself out enough. I don't want you to overdo it, darlin."

"I know… Can we… maybe go later today? Spend some time… with your parents? I wanna lay on… the beach for… a little while, too. Your parents' house… has always been… one of my favorite places to be." I asks, eyeing the water in front of us.

He knows why. His parents' house is on a secluded area with very little foot traffic. So I could be out there with little stress.

I've always loved the multi-level deck there, too, along with the spacious interior, a kitchen I'm always begging Esme to use. We've had… most of our best memories there. Growing up there, playing there, family get togethers, getting married there, taking Carlie there…

"Ok, baby. Let's go."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Coming home- Gwyneth Paltrow

It's a four letter word*  
A place you go to heal your hurt  
It's an alter, it's a shelter  
One place you're always welcome  
A pink flamingo, double wide  
One bedroom in a high rise  
A mansion on a hill  
Where the memories always will  
Keep you company  
Whenever you're alone  
After all of my running  
I'm finally coming

Home  
The world tried to break me  
I found a road to take me  
Home  
There ain't nothing but a blue sky now  
After all of my running  
I'm finally coming  
Home

Well they say its where the heart is  
And I guess the hardest part is  
When your heart is broken  
And you're lost out in the great wide open  
Looking for a map  
Finding your way back  
To where you belong  
Well that's where I belong

Home  
The world tried to break me  
I found a road to take me  
Home  
There ain't nothing but a blue sky now  
After all of my running  
I'm finally coming  
Home

Home'

Home  
The world tried to break me  
I found a road to take me  
Home  
There ain't nothing but a blue sky now  
After all of my running  
I'm finally coming  
After all of my running  
I'm finally coming  
Home

EPOV

Making the forty-five minute or so drive back home from downtown Charleston, Bella falls asleep due to the exhaustion from all the emotions she just went through.

When we make it back to our home, I carry her upstairs and lay her in bed so she can rest for a little while longer.

I walk to my home office and call my mother.

Sitting down in my chair and dialing her number, I wait for her to answer.

"_Hello?"_ I feel my shoulders lose a little of their tension by just hearing my mom's loving voice.

"Hey, mama. How's everything going?"

"_It's good, sweetie. I've just been helping Alice out with a few things for the store. We're getting ready to reopen. What about y'all? How's Bella been doing lately?"_

I let out a deep sigh, knowing how protective my mom's always been of Bella. Ever since her mother left, and then when Charlie got shot in the line of duty a little over a year after we got married… Mom's made sure Bella always had parental support, no matter what.

"She's… I don't even know mom. She wanted to go on one of our rides today, and she broke down crying when we stopped for food. She's scared to death to leave Carlie. She thinks Carlie's gonna forget her… And I think she knows she doesn't have much time left, either…" I trail off, getting choked up again.

"_Oh, Edward_." I can hear the tears in her voice. "_I want you three to come stay here with us for a while… I don't want you guys to be alone… Especially if she already knows… Edward, I want her to have her support system with her, full time. And I know you can't be there all the time with her, because you've still got work to take care of._"

I feel even more of the tension leave my shoulders, because I've been trying to figure out my work schedule and trying to make sure someone can at least come by and check in on Bella.

This offer from my mom is so incredibly tempting.

"Mama, are you sure? Don't you have to be there to help Alice with everything at the store?" I ask her, hoping this isn't going to be an inconvenience.

"_Edward, you get y'all's stuff together and get over here!"_ She tells me in her stern, mom voice._ "Bella would never be an inconvenience. Alice can handle things at the store, and if I need to go in, I'll make sure it's when you or your dad are here. I don't want her to be alone when it happens." _She whispers the last part.

That's been one of my biggest fears, too. I'm always scared that when I leave to go to work that it could be the end. I don't want her to be alone and scared…

"If you're sure, mama, then ok. I'll tell her and get some things together. I had actually called because she said she wanted to come by there and sit on the beach for a while this afternoon. Do you think you and dad are up for some company tonight?"

"_Of course, Edward! You know what? I'm gonna go ahead and start getting y'all's rooms ready, and you can stay here tonight. And then, you can go back tomorrow and get whatever else is needed for… however long you think it might be…"_

"That'd be great, Ma. Thank you so much for all of this… I can't even tell you how grateful I am… I'm always scared to leave her alone during the day. And I know she's not always thrilled when the nurse comes by. She'd rather be surrounded by family." I tell her, walking back to check in on Bella, seeing she's still asleep.

"_All the more reason for y'all to come stay with us for a while. I know Rose and Alice usually come by to see her, but the more family time we all spend together, the easier it'll be on everyone when it happens… I was hoping she'd have at least a few more months, but if you're saying she's basically on borrowed time right now… It's just hitting me a little bit harder now."_

I know what she means. Today just made me want to quit my job and spend whatever time she has left here with her. But I know I can't just do that, although I AM going to keep working from home as much as I can. There are days that I have to go into the office to meet with clients on their plans for their homes, but whenever I can, I'm working at home.

"I know, mama. We'll be there around dinner time this afternoon, and I'll run by the store to get some stuff to cook."

"_Ok, darlin. I'll see y'all soon. I love you."_

"Love you, too, mama." I tell her then hang up with her.

Around two in the afternoon, I go back and nudge Bella awake.

"Hey, sleeping beauty, wake up." I whisper, brushing her hair back off her face.

She blinks up at me slowly and smiles. "Hey…"

"Mama told me to get us all together and come stay there with them for a while…" I tell her, waiting to see her reaction.

I see her eyes widen after a moment when she gets what I'm saying.

"Edward, I don't know if that's…" She starts but I'm not gonna let her even try to talk her way out of this. She hates being a 'burden' to people, but she should know by now that we're gonna do whatever we can for her.

"Bella, don't. This was her suggestion, to begin with. She wants to take care of you with whatever time… you have left. So we can all spend more time together with you." I tell her, imploring her that it's not just me and Carlie that are gonna miss her, but mom and dad too.

She looks at me for a few moments, then nods her head and burying her head back in her pillow.

"I'm just worried, Edward." She looks back up with tears in her eyes. "I hate putting this on other people." She whispers.

I lay down, facing her and grab her hand in mine. "Baby, you're her daughter, too. She's always thought of you as her child, even way before we got married. She wants to take care of you. She had wanted to take care of you when you first found out, but none of us really knew a timeline. We all thought it would be at least a few more years. But… now it's starting to get even more real. We all want to be here for you. Let us."

She scoots closer to me and buries her face into my chest.

We stay there for a little while longer, then I tell her I'm gonna finish getting things ready for us to go to my parents' place.

A place where Bella has always thought of as her home.

And wherever Bella is, is home to me.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Feels like home- Edwina Hayes

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself

Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms

There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast

Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been

And how long I've been so alone

And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along

And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, feels like home to me

Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

It feels like home to me, feels like home to me

Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street

And a siren wails in the night

But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me

And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

And if you knew how much this moment means to me

And how long I've waited for your touch

And if you knew how happy you are making me

I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, feels like home to me

Feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from

It feels like home to me, feels like home to me

Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

BPOV

We've been staying with Esme and Carlisle, now, for about two weeks.

I can't even begin to say how glad I am that we ended up coming here. We've spent some good quality time together. Alice, Jasper and their daughter, Kate, would come over whenever they could. Alice was the one that was running the store that she and Esme had together, but she made sure that she came by her parents' house a little more.

Rose has been coming by, too. More often than she had been. Her belly wasn't quite showing yet, but she'd absentmindedly put a hand over her stomach.

There have been some nights where they would both come over and we'd send the boys out, like we used to, and we'd hang out on the deck, watching the ocean. Alice and I would be telling Rose what she's in for with the rest of her pregnancy.

Other nights, we'd just hang out on the couch because I'm too weak to get much further than there, and just being together, not saying much. We didn't have to. We'd been friends forever, so words weren't needed sometimes.

Some days, all I really wanted to do was sit and look out at the ocean, remembering all the fun we've had here over the years, the memories we've made, the tears that have been shed.

Then others, I'd watch Kate and Carlie run around the beach, just being kids. Seeing them and how carefree they are together just reminds me of the days we ran around this same beach. This was our playground as kids, and it was the best way we could ever think of spending our days.

Sometimes, Edward would carry me down to the beach and I'd sit between his legs, letting the waves lap at our feet, just us being together.

That'd be one of the things I'd think would be part of heaven for me. Because I really believe heaven is kind of like all of our favorite people, places and memories from when we were alive. And if the people we loved weren't with us in heaven yet, we'd still be able to watch over them.

At least I hope so. I've always told Edward and Carlie that I'd never be too far away when I left. That I'd always be watching over them. And I'll do everything in my fucking power to make sure that I keep that promise. I don't think I could survive the afterlife without being able to check in on them.

I'm always scared that Carlie's gonna forget me. I know she'll have pictures and videos and I know Edward will tell her stories. But I'm scared that she doesn't have enough memories of me at this point in her life to really remember me. I mean she's 12, do you really remember that much of your life from then when you're thirty?

I know I remember certain things about my mother from when she was still around, but they're blurry sometimes. There's a few times I remember that were very happy times for us. But then there's also the sadness I remember seeing in her face for that last year or so before she left.

But I feel like I should remember more about her, though. She WAS my mother, after all.

That's why I've been getting Rose and Alice, even Esme, to help me get a memory box of pictures and things together for her.

"_What about the booties, blanket and christening dress? You want all of that in there too?_" Rose asked over the phone. She was over at our house, while I was still at Esme and Carlisle's. I wasn't sure running back and forth to our house was such a good idea for my system.

"Yeah, Rosie. And could you just… bring that whole box of pictures… back with you? I need to see… if there's something else in there, too."

"_You got it, darlin. Anything else you can think of?"_ She asked as I could hear her loading up the few things I'd asked her to grab.

"No, I think that's it. Thanks, hon." We hung up and I flopped back down on the couch with Esme.

"Sweetheart, you need to take a break. You've been at this all morning." Esme said, rubbing my arm, gently.

"I know. I just wanna get… as much done as I can." I sigh, hoping to get a little bit more squeezed into this day, even though it's just lunchtime now.

"Rest a little bit, and then we can get back to it. Baby, you need to take it easy." She tells me, firmly, and I know I'm not gonna win this. My body is even on her side. "Lay down here for a while, and I'll let you know when Rose is back."

Esme has always been like a mother to me. When my own mother left me and Charlie, Esme always made sure that I had a mother figure to help out when Charlie couldn't exactly… handle girly stuff.

And the fact that Charlie was always working meant that I was at Edward and Alice's all the time when I was growing up. I spent more time there than I did at my own home.

And no matter what, I'd always listen to Esme when she told me to do something.

Some time later, Esme rubs my shoulder, waking me up.

"Baby girl, Rose and Alice are here. And Edward called to say he'd be home with Carlie soon." She told me, then kissed my head.

I've noticed she's been so much more loving and attentive than she's ever been, in the last couple of months. I feel like a kid again with all the attention she's been showing me. But I guess since I can't do some of the things I used to do, I could be considered a child again.

I opened my eyes to see Rose and Alice bringing in the things Rose had brought over from the house.

"Thank you guys… so much… for helping me with this." I told them as I sat up and got my bearings back.

"Sweetie, you didn't even have to ask. Of course we'd help. I'd do this for Kate, too, if it was me. Seeing how you're handling this, I know I'd definitely feel the same fear you do. I'd never want her to forget me, either." Alice soothed, as she sat down next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

I lay my head on her shoulder, just feeling exhausted all the time.

"I don't know how you do it. How you're not a crying mess, 24/7." Rose said, sitting down in front of me on the coffee table, rubbing my knees.

I sigh, "I was… at first. But, I knew… I still needed… to be there… for her. I needed to… be there for… as many of the… last moments as I could. I couldn't just… sit back and let… what little time… is left, to… pass me by. Yes, there are days… that that's all… that I _can_ do, but… I do my best… to be there for… as much as I can."

Rose is looking down at her lap, and I know, now that she's becoming a mom, too, she's feeling what Alice and I feel for our girls.

"This should have never happened to you, Bells. You are the last person that should ever have to go through anything like this. It's just not fucking fair." Rose whispers, and I can see the tears falling and hitting her jeans.

I pull her forward onto the couch so her upper body is laying across my lap, and she buries her face in my stomach, and starts crying.

Alice wraps her arms around both of us, and around Rose's legs, her own tears falling along with mine, and we just sit there for a while.

This has always been like my home. This place, with these people. It's always been where I go to feel better. A place where I feel like I belong. I love these people more than anything. Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper and little Kate, Rose, Emmett, and of course Edward and Carlie. These are my people… you know… the people I'd call if there was a dead body in the living room and I needed help moving it… yeah, that's them. Well, maybe I wouldn't ask Carlie and Kate that, but you get my point.

I couldn't ask for a better family, or place to call home.


	7. Chapter 7

I wonder-Kellie Pickler

Sometimes I think about you  
Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking bout me  
And would you even recognize  
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be  
Cause I look in the mirror and all I see  
Are your brown eyes looking back at me  
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California  
There's sunny skies as far I can see  
If you ever come back home to Carolina  
I wonder what you'd say to me

I think about how it ain't fair  
That you weren't there to braid my hair  
Like mothers do  
You weren't around to cheer me on  
Help me dress for my high school prom  
Like mothers do  
Did you think I didn't need you here  
To hold my hand  
To dry my tears  
Did you even miss me through the years at all

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California  
There's sunny skies as far I can see  
If you ever come back home to Carolina  
I wonder what you'd say to me

Forgiveness is such a simple word  
But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California  
And just in case you're wondering about me  
From now on I won't be in Carolina  
Your little girl is off  
Your little girl is off  
Your little girl is gone to Tennessee

BPOV

A couple days later, Alice starts acting a little strange. Like she's avoiding me, and I have to ask Edward if he's noticed.

"Edward… what's going on with Alice? Is she… upset with me? Or, is something… bothering her?"

Edward pulls me closer on the couch and kisses me. "Sweetie, you should know by now that you and Rose are the first ones she'll go to if something is wrong. You know she can't keep anything to herself, even if she tries."

I smile at that, because Lord knows that's the truth.

I get my answer the next day when Alice stops by the house.

She's all sorts of fidgety, so I know she's about to bust with something.

"Alice, just spit out… whatever it is… that's got you… so worked up." I tell her from my spot on the deck, in my favorite chair.

She continues to fidget, but finally looks at me and I see worry in her eyes.

"I, uhhh… I did something and I'm not sure how well you'll take it." She tells me in a small voice.

"Oh for pete's sake… Alice, just… get on with it."

"Umm… I, I found your mom… and told her you were sick…" She can't look me in the eye right now.

Now I understand her behavior.

Renee.

Gah, that woman.

"Alice, why… why in the hell… would you even think… that looking for her… was a good idea? Much less… finding her…and…" I'm getting worked up here, and getting my heart rate up.

"Bella, calm down. This is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you'd be upset. But I thought you had a right to know." I try to take a few steadying breaths. "Look, I thought she should at least know you were sick. And what she did with that information was up to her. I knew you were over the fact that she left y'all, but she needed to know her ex-husband was gone, and her daughter was dying. I wasn't even asking her to come and see you. I just wanted her to at least… know she's already missed out on her daughter's whole life, so far, and that she's not going to have much longer to change the fact that she was a selfish woman, and left." She looked down at her hands. "But, I guess it was all for nothing anyways. She didn't say, one way or the other, if she would come see you. I can't say I'm surprised, but I thought I'd at least reach out to the woman."

I think for a moment, and I understand why she did what she did. I wish she hadn't even bothered, because I knew Renee would probably be too self-absorbed to even care. Before she left, all she really did was worry about herself. She didn't really bother with Charlie or me because she thought it was too much for her to deal with.

My response to that now is; you shouldn't have gotten married and had a kid if you weren't ready for what comes with it.

She didn't realize that it takes work to have a marriage. And even more work having a child. She didn't like that fact, and decided she wasn't going to even try.

"I can't say… I'm surprised. She probably didn't even… ask what happened to Charlie… or what's wrong with me…" I said in a despondent voice. Because I know it's true.

"Well, you're pretty much right on the money. I don't know what the hell is wrong with that woman, but she's got a few screws loose if she can't even bring herself to care about the man she used to be married to and her own flesh and blood. Before I hung up, I told her she was a straight up selfish bitch. I know she's your mother, but seriously? I really don't know how the two of you share DNA." She defends, and I understand her, completely.

I also wonder how I share any sort of DNA with the woman. But I guess I take after Charlie in more ways than just the dark hair and eyes.

"It's ok, Ali. I get it. I'm just… baffled at the woman. She's definitely not… the woman I thought… she once was. I'm not gonna… lose sleep over her… But thanks for trying." I pull her down in the chair with me and hug her.

I know she's just trying to help, but I gave up on Renee years ago. And now, it's just confirmation that she's just a wretched woman.

"Alice, don't think that I'm upset… cuz I'm not. That woman is… nothing to me anymore. And I'm ok with that… Because this,… you, Rose, Esme, Carlisle,… Edward, Carlie, Em, Jazz, Kate… you're all the family I need… I don't need her... Y'all are all I need."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

How do I live- LeAnn Rimes 

How do I,  
Get through one night without you?  
If I had to live without you,  
What kind of life would that be?  
Oh, I...  
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,  
You're my world, my heart, my soul,  
If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,  
And tell me now  
How do I live without you?  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?  
Without you,  
There'd be no sun in my sky,  
There would be no love in my life,  
There'd be no world left for me.  
And I,  
Baby I don't know what I would do,  
I'd be lost if I lost you,  
If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,  
And tell me now,  
How do I live without you?  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?  
Please tell me baby,  
How do I go on?  
If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything,  
I need you with me,  
Baby don't you know that you're everything,  
Good in my life?  
And tell me now,  
How do I live without you,  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?  
How do I live without you?  
How do I live without you baby?

EPOV

I really hate seeing her this way. Watching as each day she gets worse and worse. It's only a matter of time now. Possibly days.

The last time we saw the doctor, he actually came to the house, because I wouldn't risk moving her out of the house.

Mom's taken to staying home every day to be with Bella, and telling me to get out of the house at least for a little bit so I'm not burying myself in Bella's sickness anymore than I have to be.

I understand that, but I don't want to miss any of the time Bella has left.

And I'm scared to death right now. Each day that passes, each day that brings her closer and closer to death, my anxiety level gets higher and higher.

I'm just not sure if I'm ready for the end.

Well, no one really ever is, but she's still so young and has so much to live for.

I'm trying to stay strong for her… but I'm not sure if I'm succeeding.

Lately, I'm not sure what else I can do for her, except to make sure she's comfortable. Before, she was at least able to move about the house with only a little help. For the past few weeks, someone has always had to move her because she can't do it herself anymore.

And she can't stand it.

Bella has always prided herself on being independent, doing things for herself. She's never liked depending on others.

She's resigned herself to staying in our bedroom at my parents' house, mostly looking out at the waves as a means to fill her days. Carlie will go in and stay with her the days she doesn't have school, but I don't want her to be around this side of her mother that much. But then again, I could never begrudge my daughter her last days with her mother. Ever.

So, as we all sit together in our bedroom, we're celebrating, what will probably be, Bella's last New Year's Eve.

We've had all sorts of snacks and such that our bed now looks like a chick-flick night that Alice, Bella and Rose used to have.

"Mommy, when's the ball supposed to drop, again?" Carlie asks as she bounces back up onto the bed.

Bella looks over to the bedside table at the clock and then back at our daughter.

"Just about… twenty more minutes. They're gonna… start the countdown soon… so we need to… make sure we… have our drinks ready… for the toast at midnight." She tells her, and I look over at the nightstand, noticing we're getting low on drinks.

"Mama's absolutely right. So I'm gonna run downstairs and top off our drinks. Can't bring in the New Year with empty glasses." I grab the glasses and kiss Bella's head. "Be right back, baby."

I rush downstairs to the kitchen, and see my mom and dad hanging out in their own pajamas in the living room.

"Hey, sweetie. How's it going up there?" Mom gets up and comes into the kitchen to help me.

"I think… she feels it coming, pretty soon. The last couple of days, she's been… really contemplative. She's taking inventory of her body… and I don't think she likes what she's finding. She likes to think she's putting up the front for all of us. But I can see it. It's like seeing the look in a dying animal's eyes. Defeat. Fear. Acceptance. Before, it wasn't as bad. But now, it's as plain as day on her face. It's just a waiting game right now." I lean up against the counter.

She purses her lips and nods. "I had a feeling. She's been really… I don't wanna say reserved, but I have seen her being in her own head more lately. She forgets that I know her almost as well as she knows herself, sometimes."

I nod, and look up at my mother's sad eyes.

"I don't know what to do, anymore… I'm just… lost. I can't… make her better, and I can't turn back the clock, no matter how damn hard I pray to. I don't… mom, what else am I supposed to do?" I ask, at a complete loss right now. I honestly don't know what else to do.

She cups my cheek and looks up into my eyes.

"My sweet boy… You're doing exactly what you should be doing. You've been doing it all along. You're being there for her, being her rock. She needs you and Carlie more than ever right now. Just keep doing what you're doing. I know she's wearing down, and I think right now is the critical time." She sighs and looks down. "Do you think… maybe we should get details noted down… for after it happens? I know it's a little morbid, but… do you think we should maybe get her wishes for what she might want done?"

She did have a point. I knew some things she wanted done, like being cremated. But, getting some details nailed down might make things easier when the time comes. I just didn't want to think about it before. Now might be the best time to ask her and make sure it's what she wants done. Not many people get the opportunity to plan the details.

I nod, and sigh. "I'll talk to her tomorrow and see what she wants to do. Hell, for all I know, she may have it all planned out already."

Mom lifts up and kisses my cheek and hands me back the glasses for our toast tonight.

"Get back up there before Carlie comes hunting for you."

I kiss her forehead and tell her, "Happy New Year, ma."

"Happy New Year, baby."

I rush back up to our room and make it with a couple minutes on the clock.

"Y'all didn't start celebrating without me, did you?" I asked, taking my spot next to Bella at the head of the bed.

She looks up at me and smiles. "Absolutely not. Carlie was trying… to figure out… a way to make… her own crystal ball. You know how much… she loves sparkles."

Lord did I. My girl loved to play in the mud, and get dirty, but she was also a girly girl at the same time. She loved her dresses and anything sparkly.

The countdown begins, and we see the ball start to drop on the end of one year, and ring in a new one.

"3,2,1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!" We yell and clink glasses together, and I tip Bella's chin up and kiss her tenderly, and lovingly.

"I love you so much, baby." I tell her.

"Always…" She responds, as we've always done, with tears in her eyes.

"Don't… Don't do that. Don't think about it right now. Just feel how much I love and adore you. How much I've treasured every moment I've ever had with you."

She burrows into my chest and breathes deeply while Carlie is trying, and failing, to sing Auld Lang Syne.

I can feel her body start to sag, and I can tell she's worn out.

"Alright Carlie. I told you that you could stay up and watch the ball drop. Now it's time for bed. Let's get a move on, missy." I tell her, and get up from the bed with a kiss to the top of Bella's head. "I'll be right back, baby."

Bella nods and readjusts herself in the bed and Carlie kisses her goodnight. "Love you, Mama."

"Love you, too… my sweet girl." Bella whispers.

Taking Carlie to her room and getting her tucked into bed, I can see she's thinking hard about something.

"What's on your mind, ladybug?" I ask, using her nickname she's always had that I know will get her to open up, then sit on the side of her bed.

"Mommy's gonna die, isn't she?"

And it's like a dagger in my heart. She knows her mom's been sick for a long time. Most all her life, in fact. Carlie doesn't really remember a time when Bella wasn't sick.

How do I answer this so she understands?

I look down at her comforter and try to come up with the best way to address this.

"Baby, you know your mama's been sick for a really long time. And right now… her body isn't holding up to her sickness. And eventually… yes, she will. Sometimes, the body can't fight anymore and things tear it apart so much that it can't take anymore. Your mom's been a trooper, and she has fought so hard and been through a bunch of treatments and medicines to try to help her… But it's not working. There is no cure for MS. There's no real cure for the cancer she has. They can only treat and help the body fight it off."

"I don't want her to go, daddy." She says with tears falling down her face.

I pull her to me, my own tears starting to fall. "Oh baby girl, your mama would never… could never, leave you. She'll always be here with you. No matter what. Even though her body may not be here, she'll always be watching over you, taking care of you from above. She'd never ever leave you, baby."

"But it's not the same!" She cries, and I can't help but agree with her.

"Baby, you are the most important thing in the world to your mama. You know that. I'm gonna miss her too. We just have to believe that she'll watch over us every day, and feel her presence, even if we don't realize it. It's what we have to hold onto to get through this. It's gonna be hard, but you'll still have me, and you'll have aunt Ro and uncle Em, aunt Ali and uncle Jazz and Kate, gamma and gampa. We have to stick together."

She nods and stays curled up in my arms for a while.

She finally sags in my arms and I can tell she's cried herself to sleep.

I tuck her back into her bed, wipe my own eyes and try to pull myself together.

And wonder exactly how I'm gonna live without Bella in my life.


	9. Chapter 9

The best day- Taylor Swift

I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on

I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold

I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall

But I know you're not scared of anything at all

Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away

But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean

I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away

And we talk and window shop 'til I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school

But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you

Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay

But I know I had the best day with you today

I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger

God smiles on my little brother, inside and out, he's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run

And I had the best days with you

There is a video I found from back when I was three

You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me

It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs

And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

And now I know why the all the trees change in the fall

I know you were on my side even when I was wrong

And I love you for giving me your eyes

For staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm takin' this chance to say

That I had the best day with you today

CPOV

I'm starting to really hate school. People are so mean. Just because mama hasn't been able to come to any of my school stuff this year, kids start talking and making fun of me.

They don't get that my mama is sick and… well, that she's not gonna be here much longer.

I've noticed for a while that she's not getting better. Usually when you go to the doctor and they give you medicine, you'll get better. But, my mama has been going to the doctors for a long time and taken so many medicines. But nothing works.

And I can see it. That she's slipping away. Day by day it gets a little worse.

And I hate it. It's not fair!

Why does she have to be sick? Why does she have to die? I don't want her to go!

Dad said the other night that mama will always be there with me, even though she won't physically be there. And I guess I get that, but… it's not the same. I love my mama. Even though I've given her and daddy a hard time sometimes, she's always been my best friend. I love everything about her. Her eyes and hair that match my own, her smile that's always been able to say 'I love you' without actually saying it. She always gives the best hugs.

I don't wanna lose that.

"Carlie, what's up sweet girl? You've been quiet the whole way home." Aunt Alice asks from the front seat as we pull up to gamma and gampa's house.

"Nothing…" I tell her, not wanting to cry in front of her.

"You can always tell me anything, dollface. You know that, right?" She tries to soothe me, but I just want my mama.

"I know."

We get out of the car and I run into the house and straight to mama and daddy's room.

She's sitting up in her bed with a box in front of her with stuff all around.

I run and jump up into the bed with her, just wanting to snuggle with her.

I love her smell too. She always smells warm and sweet and flowery.

She smells like home and love.

"Hey, ladybug… what's wrong?" She asked, and I can hear how weak her voice is.

I don't say anything for a couple minutes, just wanting to be near her.

"Why are kids so mean?" I finally ask.

She takes a deep breath and asks, "What happened?"

"Some of the kids at school are being jerks… some are saying you left because you don't love me, others say you're… a druggie. That you can't even function cuz you're high on drugs."

"Oh honey… some kids… they just grab onto… whatever they hear… on t.v., or… from their parents… They don't know… the facts and… they're just trying… to make up whatever… they think will… sound good. Baby, don't let them… get to you." She said, running her fingers through my hair. That's always been my favorite.

"But they're lying! They don't know you! Or how sick you are. They're just being buttholes! How would they feel if their mom was dying?" I start yelling, and see mama flinch, then I gasp. "I'm sorry!" I hug her.

She hugs me tightly back. "Sweetheart, it's ok… it's ok. I know you're smart…and you've figured…it out by now. But honey…you know the truth… you can set them straight. And if they… wanna keep… spreading lies… your dad will… go to the school… and talk with… your principal and teachers… and see if… they can intervene. You don't have to… fight this battle… by yourself. If it's getting… to be too much… you talk to… your teacher… or the school counselor."

I nod and look down. "Does it hurt?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Yes, baby… it does. But…some of the medicine… helps with the pain. But… what hurts the most… is knowing… I'm leaving you behind… I wish… I could be there… for your graduation… you going to college… helping you… get ready when… you get married… having babies of your own…I never wanted… to put you through… any of this… I wish… I could've done… more with you… over these past… few years… And I've worried… so much that… one day… you won't remember… our time together… But… that's kind of why... I've made this box… for you… to remember me… when I'm gone…I've tried… over the years… to make sure… everything was… documented with pictures… and items from events…" She pulled the box to us and started pulling out things to show me.

One of the first things she showed me, was a picture of me and her when I was a baby. She's sitting in a hospital bed, me in her arms, and she's smiling down at me with that same smile I've always loved. The one that feels like warmth and home.

"This is… our first picture together…the day you… were born… You made me… so happy that day… And you've made… me so proud… to be your mom." She tells me, and I hear the tears in her voice.

"…You've made me proud to be your daughter. I couldn't imagine a better mom." I hug her and we dig into the box full of memories.

There are so many pictures, trinkets, even the hospital bracelet from when I broke my arm a couple years ago.

"Do you remember… when you tried… to cut your cast… off yourself? You were so… determined to get it off!" She said, laughing at the memory.

"Yeah! Because it itched and I couldn't get to it! I tried everything, and I just wanted it off and didn't care if my arm healed sideways!" I laughed, because really, I hated having that cast on.

Every single time my arm itched, it was always where I couldn't reach, and I had a heck of a time reaching down into the cast with wooden spoons, hangers and such just to get some relief! I finally went out to daddy's shop and found a hand saw and started cutting at the cast to get it off, but daddy came in after only a few strokes of the saw and caught me red handed. It might have been for the best because I very well could've cut off my hand. Lesson learned after that tongue-lashing I got that day.

"What about…this one? Do you remember… when we would go on… our mommy/daughter dates?" She asked, showing me several of the pictures from when we would go out, dressed up, for dinner and a movie, or going to the pier when there would be a live band and we'd dance together under the stars.

Those were some of the best times we'd have. It'd been a couple years, maybe when I was 10, when we last went. But, I remembered them so well.

Which kinda gave me an idea for tonight. I'd have to talk to daddy when he got home.

We continued going through the box, remembering our life together and laughing and crying… but it was what I needed.

Once dad got home, I ran straight to him and asked him if he'd help me.

"Baby girl, I think that's the best idea. Your mama needs something like that right now. I'll get your her favorite meal together, and I want you to go pick out a movie." Dad told me, and I ran off to find what I thought might be something good for us to watch.

About an hour later, daddy had a tray of food, and I carried a small box of movie snacks and a couple of movies to mom and dad's room.

Mom looked up as we walked in the room and her eyes went wide.

"My goodness… what's all this?" She asked as daddy set down the tray of food and I jumped up on the bed so I could explain.

"We're gonna have a mommy/daughter date night tonight. So daddy went and got your favorite from Gilligan's and I've got Frozen and if you're up for it… Beauty and the Beast, live action."

She reached for me and hugged me. "Oh my ladybug… this is perfect… Thank you." She said, cupping my face and kissing my forehead.

She then turned to daddy and pulled him down for a kiss too. "Thank you… for doing this… for her… she needed this… after the day… she had."

"You needed this too, baby. So, you two relax, enjoy, and let me know when you're done with dinner and I'll come get the tray." Dad said, kissing her nose.

"You're not staying to eat?" She asked, kind of shocked.

"No, this is y'all's time together. Mommy/daughter date night. Remember? No daddy's aloud!" he said the last part looking straight at me because I used to always tell him that when we'd go out.

"You're not a mommy! So move it, mister!" I teased him, pushing him out the room.

Then I got busy putting the movie in the DVD player and then returned to mom's side, starting the movie, and situating the tray so we can eat together, and I can help feed her, since it's hard for her sometimes.

Daddy was right. We both needed this. We ate our dinner, and when we were done with that, daddy came and got the tray, kissed us both and then I snuggled into mama's lap to watch the rest of the movie.

We'd sing every single song together, speak along with the movie a lot of times, and then other times, she'd just run her fingers through my hair like she's done so many times before.

Funny thing is, I forgot all about the buttholes at school, or the fact that mama was dying. We just had fun, being together like we used to.

Turned out to be the best day.


	10. Chapter 10

The rose- LeAnn Rimes

Some say love it is a river

That drowns the tender reed.

Some say love it is a razor

That leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love it is a hunger

An endless, aching need

I say love it is a flower,

And you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking

That never learns to dance

It's the dream afraid of waking

That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken,

Who cannot seem to give

And the soul afraid of dying

That never learns to live.

And the night has been too lonely

And the road has been too long.

And you think that love is only

For the lucky and the strong.

Just remember in the winter

Far beneath the bitter snow

Lies the seed that with the sun's love,

In the spring, becomes a rose.

EPOV

I've been so afraid of this day coming.

Bella's been in and out of consciousness the past day or two, and the nurse says it won't be too long now…

I'm not ready… I can't do this without her.

We've had so many talks in the past month or so, and I know she's put her faith in me to raise Carlie and to be strong enough to go on without her…

But I don't know if I'm strong enough. I don't remember a time in my life that she hasn't been there. And for it to come down to really losing her…

I've taken to staying by her side, barely leaving her for more than a few minutes at the time. Just sitting here watching her and letting her know I'm here if she needs me.

Carlie is on her way back from a field trip, but it's taking them longer to get back because for the first time in I don't even know when, it's snowing in Charleston, SC.

And it's coming down pretty good right now.

I can't remember the last time I saw snow. It might be one of the times Bella and I went to Asheville, NC to go to one of her favorite places, Biltmore Estate. We stayed up there for several days that February and it snowed for two days straight, blanketing the beautiful estate in a magical winter wonderland.

That was one of the most amazing vacations we've ever had.

I've been letting Bella know that it's snowing right outside the window, but in her state of unconsciousness, I'm not sure if she can hear me.

"Edward?" I look over to the door and see my mom standing there with worry etched across her face.

I just look down and can't talk for fear that I'm gonna break down.

"She still with us?" she asks as she walks over to me and puts an arm around my shoulders.

I nod and look back to Bella.

"She's missing the one thing she's always wanted to see in Charleston. Snow."

Mom squeezes my shoulder. " I know. It's been decades since we've seen snow here. I don't think you and Alice were even born last it snowed here."

"I'm sure she knows. She'd never miss the chance to see this kind of beautiful snowfall." I say, then notice Bella's eye flutter open and look around. "Hey baby. Look out the window… It's what you've always prayed for. Snow in Charleston."

She slowly looks over to the window and sees the snow coming down on the beach right outside.

Her face lights up and a beautiful smile graces her.

"It's… beautiful…" She says weakly, and continues to stare out the window for several minutes. "Edward… tell Carlie… I love her… and that… I'll miss her…but I'll never… be far away…" She turns and looks at me, and tries to reach up to cup my face, and I help her, holding her hand.

"I'll always… love you…Always." She tells me, closing her eyes again and I just kiss her hand with tears in my eyes.

I can't help but feel she just told us 'goodbye'.

I feel the hand tighten on my shoulder and know my mom is about to lose it too.

"Oh Edward…" mom cries, and rushes out of the room.

I check Bella's pulse again, and it's very faint. It's been getting weaker and weaker over the last two days.

I just sit there with my face in my hands, crying. I'm not ready to lose her.

I send a message to Rose and Emmett, Jasper and Alice, asking them if they can come to the house. I know they want to say goodbye.

Dad's on his way to pick up Carlie, trying to navigate this snow carefully.

Rose and Alice message back that they were already on their way with Emmett and Jasper in tow. Jasper dropped off Kate at his parent's house for the night. They were afraid it was coming soon, too.

When they all arrive, I let them have their moment with Bella.

Dad arrives about forty-five minutes later with Carlie and she goes straight to her mother, and snuggles into her side.

Bella is surrounded by the people that love her. People who will miss her dearly.

"Edward… look…" Alice nudges me, looking up at Bella.

Looking closely, Bella has a tear running down her cheek.

Carlie looks up, sees it and kisses it away.

"Don't cry mommy. We're all here and we love you." She whispers, and Alice has to turn around, covering her mouth, before she losses it in front of Carlie.

Ten minutes later, I notice Bella's shallow breathes have seemed to cease…

I check her pulse and notice it's not there anymore.

Bella's gone.

She's really gone.

I drop my head, trying to gather my wits, but I can't.

"Car- Ladybug…" I hiccup. "Baby… mommy's gone…" I try to get out without falling apart, but it doesn't work. I see Carlie burrow deeper into her mother's side as if to try to get her back.

We sit there for several minutes, just crying, wishing it wasn't true.

I look up and notice the nurse that usually checks in on Bella is standing near the doorway, a sad look on her face.

"Your dad called." She said in almost a whisper. "I'm so sorry for your loss. The funeral home is on their way, too. I just wanted to check on y'all, and go ahead and pronounce her. But you guys take your time and let me know when you're ready. I'm sorry again." She said, then walked away.

Everyone took turns coming over and kissing Bella's cheek, and telling her they loved her, before walking out of the room.

"Baby girl… come on… We gotta let them do their job. Let's go get you cleaned up and in pajamas." I urge her, but she shakes her head. "Baby, I know you don't want to leave her… I don't either. But we gotta do it."

It took a few minutes, but she finally relented. Kissing her one last time, she said, "I'll never forget you, mommy. I love you."

I smile at Carlie, lean down and kiss Bella one last time, myself. "I'll always love you. Always, baby."

I pick Carlie up and carry her to her own room and set her down. "How about a warm bath, honey?"

Carlie nods sullenly, and walks into her bathroom and I help start her bath.

I leave her to it for a few minutes and go off and check in with everyone else in the living room.

Mom and Alice both hug me fiercely when I enter the room. We turn and see the funeral home taking Bella out the front door, and just like that, she's really gone.

Everyone decides to spend the night at my parent's house, not wanting to brave the snow covered roads themselves, and not wanting to be apart as a family right now.

I walk back into Carlie's room, checking in on her and notice she's still in the tub.

"Carlie? You ok, baby?" I ask outside the bathroom door.

Getting no answer, I nudge open the door and see her almost neck deep in bubbles, her arms wrapped around her knees, and crying.

"Oh, my sweet girl. I know. I know it's hard. And it's ok to be sad. It's ok to cry." I kneel down and kiss her head, knowing nothing will make her feel better right now.

I know I feel the same way.

"It just… hurts!" She cries, rocking back and forth in the tub.

"I know. And it's going to hurt for a while, sweetheart. But you know what? That's a sign that you really loved someone. Tears are love that have nowhere else to go. So you cry for the person you miss, and hope they feel that love on some level, even though they're not here anymore. We're gonna miss your mama, so much. God, we're gonna miss her, but we still have the memories of her, of loving her… and that's the best way to keep someone alive; remembering them. Don't ever let that go. You know… you're the very best parts of your mama. From her gorgeous brown eyes, to her long flowing brown hair, even you cute button nose and your sweet, loving smile. That's all your mama. And one of the best things you got from her… was her loving heart. You have your mama's loving, sweet spirit and the more you grow, the more she comes out in you. I've always tried to find myself in you, but your mama outshines any little piece of me you might have. We'll get through this, baby girl. I promise. We just gotta stick together."

She looks up at me with the saddest brown eyes ever. Eyes that remind me of her mother now more than ever and it breaks my heart a little more.

"Will you stay with me tonight, daddy? I don't wanna be alone." She asks in such a small voice.

"You don't even have to ask, baby. There's nowhere else I'd rather be. Let's get you outta here and ready for bed. You feel like eating?" I ask her, pulling a towel from the cabinet.

"Maybe later." She says, and I hand her the towel and leave her to it.

"I'll be right back, sweetheart."

We spend some time with the family, just sitting around, thinking. We all pick at the little bit of food we have, none of us really wanting to eat right now, but knowing we need to.

That night, I lay in the bed with Carlie curled up into my side, and look over to her bedside table, and see the picture of Bella and Carlie the day Carlie was born.

Seeing the love and pure joy in Bella's face that day was one of the best feelings in the world. Knowing we had made this perfect little piece of ourselves to go on and grow up to be whatever she wanted to be. That was the best day of our lives, and you couldn't wipe the smiles off our faces.

But seeing Bella looking down at Carlie… and hearing her say this was the most important thing she'd ever done… made my heart soar. Because I knew the feeling. Being a parent is like nothing else in the world, and it has been an honor to share that with Bella.

I sit there all night, and just stare at the picture on the nightstand.


	11. Chapter 11

Where you are- Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachay

There are times  
I swear I know you're here  
When I forget about my fears  
Feeling you my dear  
Watchin over me  
And my hope seeks  
What the future will bring  
When you wrap me in your wings  
And take me:

Where you are  
Where you and I will breathe together  
Once again  
We'll be dancing in the moonlight  
Just like we used to do  
And you'll be smilin back at me  
Only then will I be free  
When I can be  
Where you are

And I can see your face  
Your kiss I still can taste  
Not a memory erased  
Oh, I see your star  
Shining down on me  
And I'd do anything  
If I could just  
Be right there:

Where you are  
Where you and I will breathe together  
Once again  
We'll be dancing in the moonlight  
Just like we used to do  
And you'll be smilin back at me  
Only then will I be free

Then I will be free  
So take me where you are  
Now baby there were times when selfishly  
I'm wishing that you are here with me  
So I can wipe the tears away from your eyes  
And make you see  
That every night while you are dreamin  
I'm here to guard you from a far  
And anytime I feel alone  
I close my eyes and dream of  
Where you are  
Where you and I can breathe together  
(and we will breathe together baby)  
Once again (oh, we'll be dancing in the moonlight)  
We'll be dancin in the moonlight  
Just like we used to do  
And you'll be smilin back at me  
(only then will I be free)  
Then I will be free  
Baby I still believe  
Oh I've got to believe  
I will touch you that sweet day  
That you take me there

Where you are  
I still believe  
Oh I've got to believe  
I will touch you that sweet day  
That you take me there  
Where you are  
Oh where you are  
I've got to believe  
I'll always be waiting here  
That sweet day yeah  
Only wanna be where you are  
I still believe

EPOV

It's been a little over a month since Bella passed away and I'm still… just lost without her.

Carlie and I are trying our best to adjust, but there's just this hole in our lives.

We went back to our normal routines, but it's still jarring when I go to pick up my phone at work to call and check in with her… and then remember she's not there.

I know I've got my parents and my family and Carlie… But I feel alone at the same time. I knew this was gonna be hard, but damn it… it feels like my heart is ripped out of my chest every single day.

And today being Valentine's day… just sucks worse.

Bella and I never really made it a point to do the whole Valentine's thing, mostly because we've always said; if you can't celebrate the fact that you love your significant other every day, then what's the point?

But we'd still spend it together and enjoy the fact that we were happily in love.

Carlie's at school today and I'm at work when my phone rings, and I see it's my mom.

"Hey ma. How are you?" I answer, sorting through some files on my desk.

"Hi Sweetie. I'm good. I was just calling to check on you. See how you're holding up." She asked, much like she has almost everyday since Bella's passed.

I sigh and sit back in my chair. "I'm hangin in there. Just taking it day by day. I think Carlie is about to jump out of her skin waiting for her birthday to get here."

Mom laughs at the last part because she knows Carlie is one of those kids that's all about their birthday. Not because of getting gifts, though. But we've always taken her somewhere special for a couple days to celebrate.

This year, I haven't told Carlie where we're going. Mostly because it's gonna be a little journey from Charleston, then straight up I-26 to North Carolina. And we're gonna spread Bella's ashes in some of the places she's always loved.

One being the ocean, and the other being Biltmore. It's something Bella requested before she passed when I'd asked her if there were any specifics she wanted after she was gone.

"Do you have the necklace?" Mom asked, knowing this was one of the other things Bella wanted.

I'd found a necklace urn where we could put some of Bella's ashes in it, and Carlie could wear it and take her mom with her wherever she went.

"Yeah, I'm gonna give it to her tonight when we come over there." I told her, pulling out the necklace from the drawer and making sure I put it with my things to take home.

"Good. I know she's gonna love it. I'm glad Bella thought to do this for her. I think it'll help."

I smile, knowing that was just Bella; she always wanted to make things easier on everyone and take care of people.

"I think so, too. I'll see you after I pick her up in a little while." I tell her and end the call, getting back to work.

Later that night, when we're at my parent's house for the weekend, I take Carlie outside to the beach, seeing the full moon glittering off the water.

Sitting in one of the beach chairs in the sand, I pull Carlie into my side.

"Sweet girl, I got you something… And it's not just from me… It's from your mom, too." I tell her, handing her the little velvet box.

She takes it cautiously and opens it, peering inside at the silver necklace.

It's a teardrop shape, with a sapphire sitting in the middle of it, representing Bella's birthstone.

"You know how we've got the urn at home with your mama's ashes in it since she was cremated?" I asked, and when she nodded, I continued. "Well, your mama wanted to make sure you always had a little piece of her with you. So, this has a little bit of her ashes in it, and you can wear it whenever you feel like being close to her, or when you want to take her with you on an adventure."

She keeps her eyes on the necklace, almost like she's afraid it'll disappear.

After a couple minutes, she looks up and I see a couple of tears in her eyes.

"Will you put it on me?" She asks in a small voice.

"Of course I will, baby." I take the necklace out of the box and clasp it around her neck.

She puts a hand over the necklace and looks up at me. "Thank you, daddy. It's perfect." She leans over and hugs me.

"Your mom wanted to try to give you every opportunity to feel close to her after she was gone. I think this was one of the best ways."

"Me too." She burrows into my side, and we sit there looking out over the ocean, just thinking.

After a few minutes, she starts yawning, and I send her up to the house to get ready for bed, telling her I'll be right up to tuck her in.

I close my eyes, and my mind goes to so many of the times Bella and I would come out her when we were younger and just dance in the moonlight. It's one of the things that was so simple but meant so much to us.

I feel the breeze across my face, and feel that loving warmth I always would feel when I held Bella close to me.

"I miss you so much, baby. I never thought it'd be so hard without you, but I dream every night of being reunited with you one day. I know it'll be a long ways off, but… I just wish I could touch you again. Kiss you. Just know that I'll never stop loving you." I whisper into the cool night, hoping she's really there.

I feel that little tickle against my skin in response, and know it must be her.

I sit there a little while longer, just trying to hold onto the feeling of her, then finally get up and head inside and tuck Carlie into bed.

Later, as I lay in my own bed, I think back again to being out on that same beach with Bella, and suddenly feel a warmth on my cheek.

"_Sweet…dreams…" _I swear I hear her voice, and I'm not sure if I'm going crazy, or if it's true that you can be visited by lost loved ones. Either way, I hold onto it, and fall asleep, dreaming of moonlit dances, long swims in the dark, and the sweet voice of my gorgeous wife.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: This chapter has a part where ashes are scattered at a place called Biltmore. It is a real place, but I do not think it's condoned to spread ashes on the grounds, so don't think it's something that can actually be done. I think, from what I've read, you'd have to be a permitted or something from the company. It's just something I've always wanted to do with my own mother's ashes. But, no, don't try doing it.

Blackbird- The Beatles

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly Blackbird fly

Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly Blackbird fly

Into the light of the dark black night.

EPOV

Knocking on her bedroom door, I poke my head inside to see if she's awake yet.

"Carlie? Wake up sleepy head."

I walk over and sit on the side of her bed, trying to coax her awake. But she burrows deeper down into her comforter, trying to block out the world. One more thing she takes after her mother on… neither one has ever been a morning person.

She finally cracks her eyes open and looks up at me and smiles, because she knows what today is.

"Happy Birthday, Ladybug!" I lean down and give her the usual birthday kisses.

"What are we doing today, daddy? You've been keeping it a secret this whole time. Cough up the info, old man."

I sit there with my mouth open… I can't believe she just called me old!

"That's it!" I dive for her and start tickling the stuffing out of her.

She squeals and squirms every which way she can think of, but I've got a good hold on her.

"Ok! OK! Uncle! UNCLE! I give!"

"Alright, fine!" I sit up and pull her with me. "So…Here's the plan. You know we've been talking about spreading your mama's ashes." She nods, following along with me because she made it clear she wanted to be involved in the process. "So, what we're gonna do, is start here in Charleston, go around and spend some time around town, then we'll go out to the pier and spread some of her ashes there." She nods enthusiastically, and I continue. "Then, we'll hit the road and drive up to Asheville and go to your mom's favorite place." I see her face light up at the last part.

"Biltmore?!" She asks, excitedly.

I nod and then she crashes into me, hugging me again. It's become one of Carlie's favorite places, too, in recent years. We took her up there when she was almost 9, and she found the love of that beautiful house that her mother also had. And believe me, I love it there, too. And I'm thinking about making it an annual trip up there for me and Carlie.

"That'll be so awesome, dad! And we can scatter her ashes there, too?"

Again, I nod. "Yeah, I figure taking her and letting her resting place be some of her favorite places would be best. We'll still have some of her ashes, but we can let her be in the places she always wanted to be."

"I think she'd love that." She says in a sweet voice.

"Good. Alright, I've already gotten your aunt Alice to get you a bag together with clothes she KNEW you'd be ok with." I roll my eyes, because, lord help me, dealing with a teenager is a huge landmine. And Alice usually can agree with her on clothing, so I figured that was the best option without having to wait 3 hours for a 13 year old to figure out what she wanted to pack. "So, let's get a move on, little girl. We've got an adventure to go on!"

I leave her to get ready and head downstairs to make sure everything is already in the car and ready to go.

Her bag, my bag, and two tube urns that I had the funeral home ready for us.

Carlie comes bounding down the stairs and I'm glad to see that she has her necklace, with her mom's ashes in it, around her neck.

"Ready?" I ask and she's already nodding her head as she bounces on her feet. "Alright, let's go."

We head out and our first stop is a quick breakfast at the diner.

Next, we hit the town and drive around, stopping when she sees a store she wants to go into and I buy her a few things.

You learn quickly when you've got a teenager, when they get that age, you just go ahead and take them shopping and let them pick out some things themselves for their birthday. You run less of a risk of teenage temper tantrums this way.

We walk through the market downtown in the early afternoon and find a few things here and there, then once we reach the end of the street, take the right and end up at one of our favorites, and a place I haven't been since the last ride I took Bella on, 'Fleet Landing'.

"Ooooo! Mom's favorite! Come on, dad!" She pulls me along and we go inside and eat a quick lunch before we hit the road again.

We make it down to the pier and I take the tube urn in my hand and unscrew the top.

"Here, Ladybug. You do it." I hand it over to her gently and watch her lean over the pier.

I watch her take a deep breath and turn it sideway and watch the ashes pour out.

"Be free, mama…" She whispers and we both watch the ashes hit the water and get swallowed up by the waves.

We both stand there and watch the waves for another five or ten minutes.

It's a little cathartic letting a little piece of her free like this. She'll be able to reach all parts of the world that she never got to see before.

"Alright, sweet girl. We gotta get moving if we're gonna make it to Asheville in plenty of time."

We walk back from the pier and get in the car, both of us a little quiet and reflective.

It takes us almost five hours of driving, but we finally turn and see the Gate House to enter the estate.

Driving through and going around all of the turns and seeing the beautiful trees and river, the expansive mountains all around, makes me take a deep breath and relax a little.

That's one thing that's always been a draw to this place; it's automatically relaxing the minute you pass through the gates. Bella always said it was like stepping back in time to another era. And she was right.

Pulling up to the Village Hotel, we get checked in and get settled into our room, then we walk down to the village and do the gift shops and go see the farm animals, then finally settle into a booth at Cedric's tavern.

"Oooo pickles! I remember these from the last time!" Carlie loves pickles, apparently, and Cedric's has these amazing sweet pickles that they always serve.

"So, plan for tomorrow?" She nods at me to continue. "Why don't we go tour the house and gardens, then we'll come back and go down to the river and spread her ashes there."

Nodding, she adds, "Can we go horseback riding tomorrow, too? And stay another night? I want us to have enough time to do everything."

Thinking about it, I don't really see a problem with it, so I agree, and take care of everything at the front desk when we head back into the hotel.

The next morning, after a nice breakfast, we take the bus to the 178,000 square foot home(turned museum) and get lost in history.

We then walk through the massive and expansive gardens, seeing the beautiful blooming flowers, trees and bushes everywhere you turn.

It's definitely enchanting.

Afterwards, we make our way back to the hotel and take the other tube urn and walk down to the French Broad river, which we'd also learned was one of the very oldest rivers in the world. Possibly even older than the Nile river.

We repeat in much the same way as yesterday at the pier, and Carlie scatters the ashes, setting her mother free once again.

The wind whips around us and again, I feel that same warmth tingle across my cheek.

I hug Carlie close to my side as she says, "We'll always come back here, mama. Don't worry. We'd never forget you were here."

We walk back, hand in hand, and spend the rest of the afternoon on the trails on horseback, taking in the stunning Blue Ridge Mountains all around us.

I wonder if spending Carlie's birthday weekend spreading her mother's ashes isn't somehow morbid and unhealthy for her, but later that night, she sets my mind at ease.

"I'm glad we did this, dad. It makes me feel a little better, you know, since she's been gone… Not a lot of people get the chance to do something like this, and it kinda makes me feel closer to her. Even though we've spread her all over the place. Does that make any sense?"

I think about what she said, and yeah, I can see where she's coming from.

Nodding, I tell her, "Absolutely. You know, your mom was sick for a long time… and she had so many restrictions when it came to her health and trying to get out and do things. And this way, we're… giving her back her legs when she wasn't able to move around. We're giving her wings so she can fly. And yes, that makes me feel a little better, too, because that's all I wanted for her when she was always stuck in the bed and I'd see her looking out the window, wanting to be out there and be free. So, yeah… it makes sense to me, sweetheart."


	13. Chapter 13

**"Holes In The Floor Of Heaven"- Steve Wariner**

One day shy of eight years old, my grandma passed away  
I was a broken hearted little boy, blowing out that birthday cake  
How I cried when the sky let go, with a cold and lonesome rain,  
Mamma smiled, said don't be sad child, grandma's watching you today

Cause there's holes in the floor of heaven  
And her tears are pouring down,  
That's how you know she's watching,  
Wishing she could be here now,  
And sometimes if your lonely,  
Just remember she can see,  
There's holes in the floor of heaven,  
And she's watching over you and me,

Seasons come, and seasons go, nothing stays the same  
I grew up, fell in love, met a girl who took my name  
Year by year, we made a life, in this sleepy little town  
I thought we'd grow old together, Lord, I sure do miss her now

But there's holes in the floor of heaven,  
And her tears are pouring down,  
That's how I know she's watching,  
Wishing she could be here now,  
And sometimes when I'm lonely,  
I remember she can see,  
There's holes in the floor of heaven,  
And she's, watching over you and me,

Well my little girl is twenty three, I walk her down the aisle  
It's a shame her mom can't be here now, to see her lovely smile  
They throw the rice, I catch her eye, as the rain starts coming down  
She takes my hand, says daddy don't be sad,  
Cause I know mamma's watching now

And there's holes in the floor of heaven,  
And her tears are pouring down,  
That's how you know she's watching,  
Wishing she could be here now,  
And sometimes when I'm lonely,  
I remember she can see,  
Yes, there's holes in the floor of heaven,  
And she's, watching over you and me

Watching over you and me  
Watching over you and me

CPOV

"Carlie? You ok in there, Ladybug?" I hear my dad call me from the other side of the bedroom door… where I'm losing my shit.

I knew not having her here today would be the worst kind of pain since losing her… but damn it, I should have her here with me today!

I sniffle and try not to let him know I've been falling apart for the last 30 minutes. "I'm fine, dad. I'll be out in a minute."

I sit back down on the chair by the window and put my face in my hands. Then hear the door creak open.

"Car?"

I look up at my dad's face and know he can tell what's bothering me without me even saying it.

"You wanna talk about it, Ladybug?" He asks, even though I'm 23 and getting married today, he still calls me by my childhood nickname he and my mom gave me.

"…She's not here, daddy…" I sniffle. "The most important day of my life and my mom's not here to help me get dressed and help give me away. It was bad enough when I graduated high school and college… but this is so much more important…"

Dad walks over and crouches down in front of me and places his hands on my knees.

"Sweetheart, you know, after all these years… you know she's here. And I know it's not the same… Nothing makes it easier. Don't let it ruin your day, baby. You've got a man out there who can't wait to marry you. And I don't wanna be the one to tell Alice and Rose you ruined your makeup." He nudges my shoulder, making me laugh a little.

"You're right. You're right, I know. It's just… this is the one day in my whole life I would've needed her the most…" I trail off, then look down at my arm and see what usually pulls me out of my funk.

I run my hand over the ink there and still feel the love she had for me.

Running down my forearm is something that I found in a birthday card my mom had given me when I was 10. It reads;

'_I will always love you_

_Love mama'_

I'd found it one day when I was going through my things at the house when I was 20, and knew I needed this.

So I took it to the guy at the tattoo shop my friend runs and he copied it onto a stencil and put it on my arm for me.

It grounded me when I left the shop that day. It made me feel so much closer to mama having it there on me forever.

Dad sees me run my hand over my arm and puts his own hand over mine.

"This is one of the best ways to always have her with you." Then he looks around my neck and sees the urn with her ashes still in it, where it usually stays. "You're surrounded by her today, sweetheart. And I have one thing to add to your outfit." He says, then stands up and pulls a box out of his pocket. Opening it, he turns it to me and I see a beautiful strand of pearls sitting inside. "Gamma gave these to your mom when we got married here, and your mom was going to give them to you on your wedding day… But I guess I can step in and do that for her…" He pulls the pearls out and clasps them around my neck where it sits just above the urn of ashes. Looking in the mirror, I see so much of how my mom looked on her wedding day. Dad says I look more and more like her everyday.

"It still blows me away how much you look like her. She'd be so proud of you, sweetheart."

I lean my head on his shoulder and just look at our reflection. "Thank you, daddy." I whisper.

I finally get myself together and dad and I make our way downstairs, and out the back door to the beach… the same beach my mom and dad got married on.

I thought it'd be the perfect place to get married. And, thankfully, Jared didn't mind it at all.

Walking down the beach on my dad's arm, I feel the warm breeze across my cheek, and look over at dad, and know he feels it, too.

The ceremony is simple and beautiful. And the reception on the deck of gamma and gampa's beach house is amazing. We dance, and sing, and toast to a happy future together.

I do love this man with all my heart, and can't wait to start my life together with him.

When the reception winds down and it's almost time to leave, I notice the clouds have rolled in from the ocean.

Walking towards the front of the house where the car waits for us, I feel the rain start falling down from the sky. I look up and just stare at the sky… and know it's her.

I catch dad's eye and he knows what I'm thinking, too.

I rush over to him and throw my arms around him.

"Don't worry, daddy. She's watching and wishing she could be here. She knew I needed her. She's always watching over us." I tell him with tears in my eyes, seeing his own as the rain starts pouring. "I love you, daddy." I kiss him and turn to go back to my husband.

"Ladybug!" I hear him call before I get in the car, and turn around. "I'll always love you!"

"Always."

A/N: So… like I said before, this story was very personal to me. My mother did fight MS, but her fight was 20+ years long, and in her last year, she found out she had cancer and she had a small stroke. Things went downhill from there for her. She was at a point with her illness that she was in a nursing home because I wasn't equipped to take care of her anymore.

The day the nursing home called me and said 'your mother is unresponsive, and she doesn't have long left.' I rushed over there with my dad, called my sister and brother and they drove down to say goodbye. My brother was the last to get there and not ten minutes after he came in the room, my sister told us mama had a tear coming down her face. And five minutes later, she'd stopped breathing.

My mom held on until her family, the people she loved most, were surrounding her before she finally let go. That last tear was her letting us know she knew we were all there for her.

I do have some of my mother's ashes in a necklace urn so that I can have her close to me whenever I take a trip or I just wanna feel close to her. Before she died, she'd been telling me she wanted to go back to Biltmore, because that was a favorite place of hers. One of mine too. So every year I take her ashes with me when I go to Biltmore for Christmas, or any other time of year I may go up there. It's my way of taking along so she can experience it with me.


End file.
